Mary Jane, Billy Whizz, Charlie and Me – by Marc Humble

This short story has been written by Marc Humble as part of the Creativity Possible Project run by Bucks DAAT and Buckinghamshire Adult Learning. Jan Moran Neil, Creative Writing Tutor delivered the course.

It all started a little over fourteen years ago when he was just seventeen years young, a young man doing what most young men do, earning his crust in the hope that he will save enough money to go on holiday with the boys, get his driving license, buy his first motor and go cruising with the lads and hopefully meet a new girl.

One sunny Sunday afternoon in June after a kick about in the park with a few mates he hadn’t seen since school, he was introduced to a friend by a friend. The ‘friend’ who did the introduction was someone he believed to be one of his closest mates and someone he always looked up to and admired whilst growing up: Doug Squealer was his name. Her name was Mary, Mary Jane and she was a right proper laugh always giving him jokes. She would have him in stitches over nothing.

She smelt so sweet. He was always taking in her aroma that sweet more-ish smell; she had such a way around him He always felt so good, never any bad vibes. She even alleviated all of his troubles and tensions. Very soon they were spending almost every day together. He wanted her around him all the time and it seemed she wanted the same. Within such a short space of time they became inseparable. Morning till night she had a special kind of hold over him - the kind you couldn’t just shake off, the kind that even if he didn’t want to be under her spell he was. She had enough power over him to control him for a long time to come.

She had done it. She had taken over his persona, just like that. He had become one of Mary Jane’s followers, and there were many of them but she made him feel so special. She was in his pocket all the time and he wanted her there, just in case he needed that little pick me up.

If he ever had a problem to deal with she would fix it for him. Whenever he was feeling down she was always there to pick him up straight away with no hesitation. He was infatuated with her. They would just sit up in his room night after night with only each other for company. They would listen to music together, watch T.V together and she would stroke him until they fell asleep together. Mary Jane had got what she wanted once again and had the greatest hold over anyone … love. . . And he was fine with that. She made him content and that was that, no-one could or would take that away from him. He was stubborn like that, he was cock sure his theories were correct and his first love would be the one that lasted forever.

Since that chance meeting on that sunny afternoon when nothing else seemed to matter Mary Jane was already planning to get her sharp and destructive claws into his life and would stop at nothing to get what she wanted. She had manipulated a false relationship, a relationship that commanded respect a respect that he was unable to deliver.

Pretty soon the very same friend who had introduced them both together - Doug Squealer, had began popping round and chilling with the both of them. Then one day he popped round with another of his friends. His name was Billy, Billy Whizz as he was known on the streets of their town. It turned Billy knew everyone too but he had a different way of getting your attention. He had so much energy it was unbelievable and that energy had rubbed off on him. Billy could easily have run the London marathon with all this fiery energy and he so generously passed that energy on to others. Nice Billy.

This was another chance meeting but this character that would play a bigger part in his life and someone who would have another kind of hold over him. But it was different to that of Mary Jane’s hold. This was more powerful.

Billy had the capabilities to do anything. Billy made him feel confident like he could do anything and he always did exactly what he promised. Billy was a character, that’s for sure but it was a far cry from the characteristics of Mary the first love of his life. Billy had the get up and go. He always voiced his opinion and made sure that everyone heard what Billy had to say. That would eventually be the downfall of Billy. There was conflict between Billy and Mary Jane and he would be stuck in the middle of his two best friends. Undecided he tried to keep both of his friends happy but inevitably Billy’s persuasion over him was too demanding, Mary Jane stuck up for herself but Billy was too overpowering for her and for the time being she had been rejected. Billy was in for the stay. He had a strong enough hand and used it to the best of his ability which was persuasion; they carried on for a long time but Mary Jane seemed to be no-more but it wasn’t the end for Mary Jane. She had a good thing going and wasn’t prepared to sit back and be walked over. She knew that Billy’s time would come. She knew it was close

Silly Billy was losing his flavour, losing his glow, his fire was dying, the same fire that gained so many others respect. There were two bigger and more powerful and dangerous presence’s to take over his life. So for Billy his days were over. Their name’s were Amber and Charlie and they came just like that without warning and without remorse, but they were the sweetest most precious friends anyone could ever want. They came full of promises and such delights that the likes of Billy and Mary Jane could only dream of giving.

Charlie was a character that was worth more than her own weight in gold and it seemed the whole world loved her, he would do anything for her .The Queen of the World. For all to see. So her name was Charlie. Charlie was to be his new girl, the one that would lead him to his dreams and aspirations, the one who would evolve his world to a shining gleaming land that only they seemed to be a part of and of course Amber would always be there hanging around egging each of them on encouraging one to play off of another.

As by now he had learnt that Billy was not all he was cracked up to be. Billy had lost that grip and was no longer in control. Charlie was the most desirable face in town and he wanted her in his life all the time. But he could not have one without the other. Just imagine two of the most demanding characters that could come into his slightly naïve life were here and here to stay.

After meeting Charlie on just one occasion it was more than enough to keep him trailing her every move. Where ever she was he wanted to be by her side every day, even if she was with someone else or in someone else’s incapable hands he didn’t care, this was the one. She was dangerous but he didn’t care. She wanted to caress him and show him the kind of pleasures only the most vivid of imaginations could create. That beautiful glowing white princess would whisper the sweetest of nothings in his ear; she would develop an already messed up and vulnerable mind into this invincible and undeterred super brain, the kind that had ultra confidence and an undetermined amount of capabilities. All three would spend countless nights with each other for company. He would have his wicked way with these two gorgeous, sweet smelling, sweet tasting sirens of pleasure. Until that much needed and desirable day when he realised just how manipulative Charlie truly was, how vindictive she could actually be and how she was never going to be afraid of showing what she was capable of, everything from intimidation to violence. But despite all these terrible plain to see facts, after all, she was what everyone wanted and some.

Luckily he had Amber to fall back on but when he was with Amber he desired Charlie, and vice versa. They were two characters that created another personality within him. His thoughts became deeper and darker more, sinister and twisted. His mind was lost and when he was with one he wanted the other. It began a simple dilemma that escalated into a serious mind- altering state that he just could not cope with on his own. This state of mind numbing thoughts was becoming unbearable and his mind was small. He was at a crossroads in his life and he had no idea how to handle it.

After what seemed like an eternity together with Charlie - she showed her devastating and most deadly side almost everyday - she was no longer giving him what he wanted. She had her own agenda, and it was actually not achievable.

And soon she would show exactly what she wanted. She wanted to strip him of dignity. She wanted all of his money, his friends, his family. At one point she actually left him in no more than he was actually wearing, but he didn’t care about that one little bit. She was in charge, everyone knew it and nobody could change it. He was in love and to him love was eternal. It would seem that they was in it for the longest of hauls, and at times it seemed that there was no end of her corruptible strengths and energy and money-draining ways.

Many nights had passed, countless endless nights that ultimately turned into days and then again into nights, weeks, months and finally monotonous years of the same old routine where they would just be, where they would sit scratching at the walls with quite some determination and at some points true and honest despair. Throughout this unforgettable and memorable life, there were true and honest loves of his that actually meant a great deal to him - more than anything in fact - sincere and undying loves that would also be the cause of his own destruction. But that vindictive Charlie always made sure there was no room for these other beings except the ones she would allow to participate in the downfall of this weakening mind. All of these presences that were not welcome in any way, shape or form, were pushed by her from pillar to post and back again. Amber was no help to these people - she encouraged Charlie to ravage at will and she often helped and served a tremendous purpose to Charlie. But ultimately it always boiled down to what that sweet, all so loveable Character called Charlie wanted. She would have the last word and that final say. Forget what was really going on, that kind of thinking had no place here, and they learnt to live together side by side, hand in hand. They needed each other and they had each other. It looked like that no-one could take that away from them.

Fourteen years have now passed and that oh so powerful Charlie had controlled twelve of those sometimes exciting but mostly twisted and dark years. It took many people’s interceptions, and many torturous and despairing nights of torment to decide between a life with Charlie - that incredible creature who had that domineering control over more than one person’s life, and a life without that most destructive force. At times it nearly crippled him and made him sink to the lowest of levels. It took all of this to make him realise that in actual fact there was no love coming from her at all, none of those promises had actually been kept; it was pure deception. It was all coming from him. But all these years had passed and he was blinded by the greatest of feelings and comfort he had endured in her company.

But now, now it all seems like a complete blur, a giant haze and he didn’t want to have his judgement clouded by anyone else any more. He wanted to claim back what was, and still rightfully is his: his life. He had lost almost all of those precious years whilst growing up. The life he had dedicated and devoted to his closest ‘friends’ for such a long time. He knew that they were all evil he knew she was evil and was only ever out for herself with such force. So he killed her, took her by the throat and drained the life right out of her. He looked up and saw another life: one without all these eastern promises that were never actually delivered. Everyone cared that he had done this for himself but nobody actually cared about what happened to Charlie. For that devastating presence, the one who seemed to get away Scot free, without torture, without pain and without total devastation, the one that once controlled everyone to such an extent, just as she had done to him all those years ago he had done right back to her. It made him wake up and realise that he had been forced to steal for Mary Jane, Billy Whizz and Charlie, forced to fight for them, forced to do everything for them, but now Charlie and her friends are now dead.

Rest in pieces. That must be the end, surely.

Drugs, My Parents and Me

This week Claire was our guest in the Aylesbury Drug Prevention club. Claire had been clean (drug free) for four years three months. Her mum was an alcoholic and her dad was a registered drug user, during her childhood.

Her mum drunk herself into oblivion and it was so embarrassing for Claire when her mum turned up in the school playground to collect her totally drunk. For Claire even though her dad used illicit drugs he was the soberest one of the two. Claire has vivid memories of days out with her parents where she and her sister got treats. Even though these days out were nothing more than drug-scoring excursions.

By the age of 11, Claire was known as the reliable family member to hold any money or drugs so no one else got them. Little did her parents know but she had started smoking cannabis.

As Claire got older, she became involved with an older boyfriend who was very much into the Rave scene and Claire began using ecstasy and cannabis nearly everyday. She also was sorting her friends out with drugs at school. Now she sees this at wrong but at the time, it was helping out a mate, not dealing as such. Claire began to skip school only going in for registration, as that was pay time for others to get their drugs from her.

Claire believes the drug scene is bizarre; within the drug world there is grades of users. Those who use drugs but do not inject are one group and those that inject are the lowest of the low. She initially was from the former group but gradually drifted into the latter.

Claire’s first time injecting was not good. She felt terrible; she was vomiting yet despite this she did it again and again. She felt smoking heroin or crack cocaine was a waste far better to inject and get the full hit immediately.

Drugs cost money and even if Claire wanted a job to help support her increasing habit, she was under 16 and could not get a job. Therefore, this led Claire into a criminal path. She began by shoplifting then shoplifting to order. Not just little items she had been known on more than one occasion to walk out of a well-known bay shop with a pram!

Claire then began to break in to homes and steal from there. Claire justified this within herself by not stealing anything personal or going through anyone's personal belongings. Claire took only items that could easily be sold on for drugs.

Soon the money gained from her burglary and shoplifting was still not enough to support her and the boyfriends’ habit. Claire went into London and acquired a private prescription from a doctor who with very little information from her and no background checks prescribed a large amount of methadone as well as other drugs. Claire sold the prescribed drugs for illicit drugs for her boyfriend and herself.

This was dark days for Claire; her mum died her boyfriend was becoming increasingly abusive to her and she was looking after her younger sister. Then to cap it all Claire lost her best friend Chris to an overdose of the drugs she had sold him. This devastated Claire and she spiralled further into oblivion. This drug ruled existence carried on until Claire was 22 years old and she met her current boyfriend.

He listened to her, understood her and this helped Claire establish a need to get clean. She had left her old boyfriend with great emotional difficulty as he had tried all angles to get her to stay with him. With the support of her current boyfriend, she had the courage to leave the first boyfriend and begin a new life with the current one.

Claire began a reducing prescription to get clean from drugs. However, she thought she knew best and substituted the prescription drugs for Crack cocaine. Soon she was selling Crack and Heroin. One day the Police caught her with a substantial amount of drugs in her possession. Too much to get away with saying it was for personal use, and she was charged. Luckily, she got a two-year sentence not the maximum eight she was expecting. Prison altered Claire, and she realised this is as bad as it gets. She asked for help in prison but was told there were more drugs on the wing and if was still clean in a couple of days they would consider it.

That few days were terrible but worse was to come. She was transferred to the hospital wing and it was her words “ junkie hell ”. Claire collapsed in a heap and decided she was going to get clean her own way. Claire was given a small amount of methadone and some other medication to alleviate the withdrawal, but essential Claire done it herself. The physical side was very difficult to manage but she did it.

On release from prison Claire was clean and met up with her current boyfriend. Claire is now engaged to be married next year to her boyfriend with whom she has two boys.


Others present put several questions to Claire.

One was she has made it ok, so what is to stop others from saying you used drugs but are ok now? Claire responded by stating she had not come out of this unscarred. She has very visible scars from injecting drugs, her veins are collapsed. She has Hepatitis C, albeit dormant. In addition, she has a criminal record.

Claire responded to the question how do you stop young people from taking drugs by saying the law needs to come down harder on drug dealers. Prison worked for her as a deterrent.

A chilling final statistic from Claire. Out of the twenty or so drug friends she had during that period, half are dead, most still using and only three including her are clean.

The group thanked Claire for her frank and honest account and wished her well with her forthcoming arrival and marriage.

STRAIGHT TALK

This month we were honoured to have two special guest speakers. In order to protect their identities their real names have not been used in the blog.
‘Jane’ is 18 years old. She began smoking cannabis around the age of 13 yrs after first smoking cigarettes at the age of 12, and drinking alcohol at 13. The cannabis smoking led on to ‘Jane’ trying other drugs including cocaine. ‘John' is 19 and like ‘Jane’, he began firstly smoking cigarettes at age 11, this led on to alcohol and other drugs at age 13, including pills, cocaine, and trying heroin. Both ‘John’ and ‘Jane’ agreed the drug and alcohol users are getting a lot younger now. So why? For ‘Jane‘ it was an easy way to block out the bad things going on. ‘Jane’ suffered from bullying at school and felt the drugs blocked it out. They both felt invincible at such a young age. No one could tell them of the dangers, it did not apply to them.

‘Jane’ was a straight A student before the drugs. She believes that the bullying at school was not tackled and this led her into seeking a way out and drugs did it for her. She was always the troublemaker and school did not support her. As an only child, she felt she had no one to confide in. ‘John’ was from a very large family and had many brothers and sisters yet his experience was that there was competition between him and his brothers. From using drugs ‘John’ found that dealing drugs gave him more money for his drug use. However, this led to problems in itself with dealers after him for the money he owed as he had used the drugs he should have sold. He became so paranoid he was afraid to leave his house. Even a beating did not stop the debt being on his head. ‘John’ believes that the dealers target young people to be another small-time dealer as they are younger and will not get done by the police as much as an adult would.

Both do not blame their parents for their drug use. They blame the environment around them. Whilst on drugs they both got the money any way possible including illegally. They found they did not respect anyone or anything whilst on drugs. They believe when you have drugs, everyone is your friend. They both feel it is difficult to warn young people of the dangers of drugs. If you try to talk to a 15 year old it is probably too late for them. Services need to talk to younger kids and get the message across.

Regarding help and services both agreed they did not feel the need for intervention by services. They were alright nothing could touch them. ‘John’ said that boys are even more difficult to engage with as it is seen as macho to be doing drugs and not cool to ask for help.

What changed? ‘John’ had got arrested so many times, was scared, and had to do something. Everything was muddled. He had been tagged, was with youth offending and his mum was upset about the whole situation. He felt guilty about what he had done to the family and needed to change. Despite bad times during the process where he went through the motions of saying what he thought the counsellors and youth offending team wanted to hear, he eventfully made the change and stopped using drugs.

‘Jane’ found that her mum was her main support and best friend. She found the best help for her was to be moved away to another area. This helped her a great deal as other times children’s homes locally had not, as she could run away back to her patch. It was a joint decision supported by her mum and her to deal with the situation. Both feel they have learnt through their experiences a lot about life and drugs.

Whilst not condoning their experiences, both feel it will help as they both wish to work in the substance misuse area of work. They felt many workers in this area do not fully understand the feelings and way things are in the drug world. Supported by Youth@Act both have worked through their own issues and are now confident to talk about it to groups of people. They have come tremendously far in the way they can talk about their own personal issues.

Consistency in support workers is one main point they both want to get across. It is vital that they saw a consistent worker as it gave them more confidence and a more settled atmosphere to be helped.

More should be done to engage young people to try to avoid drugs. There is a lack of things for young people to do, they both agreed. There should be more advertised youth activities such as competitions, dance, and other things young people are interested in. This may help engage the young people to avoid drugs as an escape.